Yesterday finally got Rishabh's friendship back after his several apologies mistake was mine but his sorry did help me . Now everything is on ground Akshu is again with me being my sweetest friend , shreya is still my g.f . Feeling better but not completely satisfied something is still missing that is enjoyment I feel or may be something else I too don't know . I feel I am mad , mad for love , mad as I wanna laugh aloud , mad as I wanna hug someone tightly and never wanna leave her , mad as I wanna cry on someone's lap , many reasons I have to declare my self as a mad .

I am really tired with this boring schedule i wanna feel something new and awesome how is it possible I too don't know . I wanna be excite to a level , i wanna cry to my saddest , I wanna laugh till the last breath . I think this may be possible in dreams only not in real world , in real world nothing is possible I feel sometimes .

I am living with the satisfaction that I am hiding nothing from my self and trying to do my work to a small extent in many fields except studies , yak I hate studies Exception excluding chemistry as I love it , The way that madam teaches wow everything goes deep inside my brain . Hope I'l be able to maintain some score this year ...

Everyday has something new to say , someday it says something someday the other thing but it is never silent . Everyday has its own importance sometimes you learn something sometimes you waste your own day . Its too easy to run hard but to run in equal manner is tough i feel sometimes. Loads of thought attack me time by time but i can't strike them in a particular moment why is so its difficult to let other feel what you are feeling now is really difficult deed to do . Feelings should be like wind free to move from here to there without any restriction and you can feel that too . It would be amazing if something like this get to happen . Sometimes its hard to wait for something as you know your waiting will cost nothing to the thing which you are waiting for . Everything is good and everything is bad you just need to read it . I was thinking and I self realized that for making my self feel better I lie to my self many times I observed . When shreya's message does not comes I really feel bad but to make my self feel little better I lie to my self that I don't really care . Running and learning both are too different process , running involves nothing learning requires courage sometimes . I am just trying trying to run but from whom I am running and why I am running is still a question for me too . I need someone I really need someone but I have many someone's then too i am not in relief , then too my mind is not calm . Its better to let things as they are going because doing something involves action and I believe that I am poor in acting .

When you don't see anything what you do is a question to be asked . When I don't see anything I go complete blank do annoying activity's controlling that would a bigger achievement I feel it will be for me . Every day i wake up I don't have great work to stick with , I just wake and move and move and move and think and think and think Its too tough sometimes . What I really want from this life is really unknown to me too . Today because of my anger I was Going to beat Rishabh while playing Cricket but I controlled So good of me . Had nice chat with sweet sweet akshu yesterday she sounds so sweet but she has a habit to never keep a secret saying something to her is like not keeping secret I told her about me and shreya past days before she told to her friend the same in front of me only , I actually hated that really but what to do I ignored . One thing I am good at that is doing nothing when needed . Today planning for movie first day first show kind of , Hoping it to be enjoyable .

Everyone is good i have eyes which are fuse

I don't know why everything is so complicated and round

I am in this atmosphere just surviving but nothing to use

Why my mind is blocked why heart is heavy I feel I am bound

The thing I want is not really easy to get

Neither its too tough to achieve

I just have to be calm and do little wait

Everything will be fine then i too will be feeling well and in ease

Its too tough to be satisfied Every time

Nothing in this world is bearable

So How could You take the things and wait for the tide

I know everything is bullshit and i know its is manageable

Condition can't be favorable always but sometimes condition too is in favor but you have to do one thing to get your desire condition , just wait and take everything which comes . Had a nice day today bigger thanks to akshu we went to temple , Me able to wash up my sin's because of her deed . And feeling better after patch up with shreya I don't know whats going on but feel good when i talk to her . She apologized again for her past and I too said sorry for slapping her , Now we both don't have a guilt . Its nothing like that great things happen to great peoples only , sometimes people like me too can rock but you have to wait every time , its fine in many way . I love the ups and downs in this life . Love to talk to akshu she is magician why i am saying this i too don't know she have answer for every question of mine she could compete me in arguing too i know she will loose but she can compete .. :p ..

Love existed or not its tough question always I am not interested in answer even though i believe in loving every one and enjoying its good really . Because how can you say which is last day of yours . Had good class at coaching madam taught to my level i was not even getting bored . I have stopped Watching sristy as she too has done the same .

Now everyday I wake up and Just let things happen all around me and watch still its really good feeling sometimes I get happiness and other time sadness , I get sad very less because nothing affects me really . I just want one thing from this life that is satisfaction and satisfaction nothing more great .......

Everyday you don't know what to do

Sometimes day is good sometimes blue

You can cry a loud some day or sometimes let the things go

You can't become a master as you have no clue

Its easy to win every time in any field

But It takes guts to Loose

Believe in doing than you will get what you yield

Sometimes I feel Just run to a sea in some cruise

I can't live without shreya really , so i got her back means patch up again and this time with the promise that no break up again . and guilt factor is too removed from heart as she got treatment , don't worry i didn't kissed anyone in front of her . On her force i slapped her i was feeling bad for time being but she got punishment and i got her back I love her really i don't think so no one else could understand me better , yeah finally I got my true love its my self realization . Convinced Rishabh that I was out of mind and sad so said him sorry got his friendship too back askshu is still angry feeling little bad . But at the end all is well when ends well . hope every thing goes well as who likes to be sad .

M.r Fucker

I know whatever i think has many possibility's , and the possibility's i think would never happen with me . I too don't know why I think never happens according to what i had thought , Its so foolish of me I asked akshu to favor me in condition by kissing me in front of shreya her message just came " fuck off Mr. Abhilash Agrawal You are the biggest bastard I have ever seen " . I too just messaged sorry now don't know what will happen , I think today shreya has to make a choice lets see what choice will she make of leaving me or fulfilling the condition I made i know I am an ass and i accept it , Tuition time had to go tuition now will reach home back till 8.pm ... her reply was not coming so messaged akshu that bye forever will never ever message her again messed up with Rishabh too now me M.r Fucker is alone again with no one around .

Why is so

Just waking up from a noon sleep , sleeping really helps to forget . Had made a condition in front of Shreya that if she wanna continue then she has to arrange an girl and i will be kissing that girl in front of her or she could leave me easily , The two choices i gave her was really harsh i know but I had no choice left as I could not leave her or If I may live with her I don't wanna live with guilt that i am living with girl who was physical with other guys too , I just wanna make her feel the pain in which I am burning right now . I know it would be impossible for me to arrange a girl for my self and burn shreya in front of her, so I have given this job of searching any girl to shreya only . And Have told shreya that I will reply her after she will be making a choice either leaving me or fulfilling the condition .

I know I am not good man I am an bustard

But what to do I have no control over me

I know one day I have to pay for all this debt and i'l be sad

I don't know what i should do right now even i can't see

This world is so harsh I don't love to live

I am burning and burning with my all heart burn

How I have made this all situation in my fucking life

I just want everything new even include the so high sun

Why is everything is not so simple to understand

Everything is tough and its like solving puzzle

I am just searching my satisfaction in a big sand

I just wanna fly and fly freely just like a bubble