Whats going on . what is really happening , am I gone mad or what . Anything would have happened I don't care . I only know that I can be in love with one girl and by the heart and she is Shreya only . I can just be friends or just talk for fun with another girls . But my heart is stolen by that witch only its so true but I am unable to convince anyone . I am watching her behaving unusual  these days . What happened to her she may know better . I think she is tired to tolerate me and she wants me to understand her and make her feel better . But what I am doing in return is a shit I feel . I can just cry aloud and say I Love you shreya for almost Thousand times or more than that . All characters except shreya and few friends are falling from my list . The thing which is a main issue I feel in my mind is to be true to everyone including myself with ability of acceptance too and Wanna be serious for my future as I wanna get what I have made in my mind . I don't want to die without giving my 100 percent which i can give to my dreams . 

The day is a day which is sometimes shining and sometimes blue . You don't have any clue that what's gonna happen for next . The thing just get happen you can't do anything more than thinking that what happened in a instant now . Its so confusing why we think about others as its not going to help us as that person has no high intensity for you they behave normal but we get intense for them with no issue so confusing. Sometimes we think of no use just useless , we just have a habit to predict that I have done this now what will happen for next sort of . There should be peace in mind that you are in right path doing good deeds how anything wrong would happen to you . If in condition it happens you would have satisfaction that you always did right this is not because of your fault .

So strange feelings gets heavy over you sometimes

This feelings doesn't have an issue so we get sad

We by our self let the the feeling get heavy over us every times

You are so much intense for some feelings you think so hard

But they don't feel the same and be normal

They are so much in easy mode and so bright

We go mad and sad due to them and so critical

Try to be pure with truth then you are satisfied in height

I had good sad day today , as I was so much down and depressed and my friends made it a brighter and a new day for me . I made two new friends Shalabh and Pratha . Shalabh is a rock-star and Pratha is magician the noon was saved by Pratha as she tried a level to ease me by showing her great presence in Facebook . And our Rock Star Shalabh gave me some tips about life how the things go and how the world is ! in real sense . He scored 89 percent in board but then too he is searching for a good college . One side he stands and one side I and after watching him . I see myself with no future , no college and no job in hand as I am not that rich that I should take no tension . This day is owed by both of them hence . And no story these days of akshu and anushri(anshu) and other girls except shreya met shreya today it was normal meeting and its more than usual . A message blinked of akshu as i messaged her first when I was mentally unstable her reply came but late when I was going for sleep . She replied as she felt pity for me she said sorry in return as she is completely invisible these days . I told her that " its natural its nature its fine i didn't mind and why you felt sorry you should not feel " .

She send sad smiley in return I was like in don't know situation again running alone with my problems and irritations . Its fine I felt now the run is for money , career and fame and some satisfaction with that . Trying to fix time table hope I don't get fail again in doing that . I should sleep for 6 hour only as i searched in Google ,Will try to follow and will try to be fresh and real so soon with some truthfulness .

School is filled with same kind of People like me no differentiation . They do loads of fun and disturbance with a pinch of study . Its like fine with me , but just I am unable to do that self study its getting tough for me . Every time i sit for studying my mind starts flowing with wind where I too don't know . Its not the positive sign I know but what else I could do better than doing nothing . I am getting so much tired and feel sleepy as I do loads of hard work in doing nothing.

Today Is new day in school expecting it to be good from heart lets see now . The story from the love side is that I am again getting emotionless and I don't get affected by love or hate so its helping me to get neutral from all direction . Yesterday night I was feeling like crying don't know why but tears where not coming out,then after that I realized that all my emotions got burned so How can I laugh or cry in true sense ......

I was trying a fucking Hindi poem but it was just fucked up means with no rhyming and no sense so I thought to delete it . You know me going School from tomorrow finally got admission , hope tomorrow I would be able to patch up with things and able to match the speed of the day .

Sometimes We try to run from somethings which are really precious to us but we don't know that this things from which we are running is so unique and rare that it won't come again to us . So better run after a good think if you are running ......

Things are so round and round and round . These days I am not going schools unable to think that i am enjoying it or hating it . These fucking so heavy books are not that tough when someone teaches but its boring when you try to learn by your own . By my speed of studying no one has expectations from me , they just think if this guy get pass it would be enough for him nothing more great he can achieve . Yesterday A piece of cigarette was lying outside my house , who smoked and thrown I don't know . But dad Was questioning me and having doubts that did I smoke or what . I felt so broken what to say means I never ever liked cigarette in my life but dad was having doubt on me , not anyone else my dad was having doubt . Its good when you move your life with zero expectations by others side , as when you fall no one gets hurt except you as you know you are gonna fall one day or another . I am just running without fuel this life means I am using some another source of slow energy instead of fuel to run this wheels and heavy Tyre's . When school will start? its a question half of June has been passed siting in home Mom dad feel like that I am just waste With no outcome . I will give another try to study my books rather than Just studying in Tuition's , I know self study is important but I am unable to do it .

One day will come with lots of shine in this life with loads of brightness when I'l be able to laugh hard and will be able to run and run laughing and shouting because of my victory as I would have got my holy satisfaction . Then one girl will come in my path. I'l kiss her and she too in back , She will try to tear my shirt apart and scratch my head my hair but I'l bring her in control . We will after kissing will just walk in hand in hand in that bright morning full of happiness Just me adoring the world and she adoring just me . No question She will be asking neither I would have one we will just watch each other and may walk till the end of that beautiful day .....

One day will come , One day will come ..

This Poem just I had text to shreya and not got The Very much satisfied reply she just text me that it was good baby ( boho pyarri hae jaan ) . Feeling normal as I expected the same reply .

I love the way you make me feel better

I remember you when I see your letter

I may have feel bad because of you

Then after I realize That it was my bad I had no clue

The way you hug me I feel so safe and good in your arms

I just feel that hug could never stop and I get continuous warms

I trust you more than I trust myself , That's why I get angry sometimes

I know my poem is boring and Lacking out of rhymes

I just want one precious thing from this life

That is you and only you as my wife

I never saw such dream before until you came

I just wanna spend my entire life with you I can say with no shame

Oh my darling never feel unsecured By my side

As you are my life and my breath how can i leave you and hide

The way you try to make me feel no one can do the same thing

The way you tolerate me and try to understand me I feel like king

Yesterday was fucking awesome , Its so true that god gives you beatings and then after sometimes he heal them and give you praising's too . I was with shreya yesterday at noon firstly that part was awesome she came home when I was home alone what we would have done its not the question to think We enjoyed did fun and did that too . I felt that shreya was doing so much for me and I was doing shit in return . Sometimes I feel she completely owes me I don't have point now to say something in her against if anything she does. As she gave me so much importance . I told you know that shreya had so many X's means many b.f's huge list of b.f . One of his b.f I saw in evening when I was at shopping mart , her b.f and I know each other we are mutual friends . I called shreya at the moment I saw her X b.f at the mart . To make him feel jealous I was roaming in mart with shreya hand in hand it was so fucking gave me satisfaction that you Mr. X now me the forever and ever after b.f of shreya no breakups now and she with me now and you loosed her . Shreya felt my activity was dirty as she went to past when she was with him and he too i felt that after watching their faces .

I too regretted of my so so human nature off making anyone feel jealous . Afterwards I apologized to Shreya that ya What I did today was so so mean and I'l not repeat it . She said okay and was saying that she didn't felt that bad and was saying we could do this another time with my X's and her X's again ...

Study Study study ... The only thing which can pay me now is study , the way dad told me about reality I am fucking scared about my future . I realized that I am getting dissolved in the pit of shit made only for me . I have to start concentrating over my studies if I have To achieve what I have made it in my mind . No one has problem with anyone means no one thinks so much about others and try to dissolved over others situation . Everyone try to be in their own situation and everyone knows that they have to think about themselves . As If they will not concentrate over themselves they will get fucked . I too need to wake from my fucking dream or else it will be too late . Told shreya everything what I want from this life she agreed to help me and ease me forever . I really love her so so much but I don't realize I try to lie from my self that I hate shreya and I can be without her but its not possible in dreams too . Now Main Aim is to study and get good college after studying this last year in school means twelfth very nicely . I need to give little labor Really If I wanna achieve what I wanna achieve .

Mind was not in stable state that's why was not blogging these days . Had A good party few days before gone out of control there . This days are going usual's trying to learn importance of the thing I need the most . I need the most includes my dream of running high and never falling down and self satisfaction I should say holy self satisfaction better . This books are heavy but if we give a try we can do something more than nothing I am talking about school books . The desire of your has no ending but this desire requires commitment if you need to achieve this desire truly . This heart Is so so heavy sometimes you don't know the reason but you just want someone to come and ease your heaviness and make you feel better . Why in this life we get nothing in hand so much easy if we could get something easily , I would have demanded my satisfaction and easiness .. :/

The thing which is going to be same is nearly nothing

Time has power to change everything

But why the fuck time can't remove heaviness soon

What time waits for may be it waits for the fall of moon

We humans are just so humans of great use

But we have some default somewhere or some fuse

As we can't ease our-self by own we need someone

Someone is tough to get but we need none more than that someone

I feel 70 percent of total population of this world believes in god . So assumption of mine says that we can communicate with those 70 percent of peoples with little effort and then there will be so much friends of mine no loneliness and no fights . Just sometimes in case little quarrel may arise but no fights from heart . So I think I should start communicating nicely by being good to others i think I can expect their goodness too for someday . This is good , this day is good , atmosphere too is good just need some good eyes to watch through it .

Without twist and turns and sadness pain and all , life will be tasteless boring . So I expect everything but I want joy and happiness more in comparison to those above things i mentioned .

Every thing you do You get in return so nice policy made by god , by some way or another you get back what you did sometimes you realize that this policy is true and sometimes not but the policy works every time you realize or not it will

work .

Never I feel I depend on tomorrow what If the situation would not be in my favor or what if I'l be not in situation . So I can go for someday but never I wait for just tomorrow . In heart I feel If I am getting something good then I believe in someday who knows that someday may turn to tomorrow but never I wait just for tomorrow .. :p

I realized a moment before that taking tension won't change a bit of situation where as enjoying the moment without any tension gives you a holy satisfaction and sometimes it benefits too by any mean or so . I am Just trying to be a normal guy without tension and less pressure who loves to smile , when someone special any dream girl who could see and feel the same could make him smile . I wanna do many things sometimes this , sometimes that many things which may make my heart feel free and relaxed for a longer duration ..

(The Image I used here personifies my dream image)

When you see the world you see the world its awesome feeling previously you may be blind but after watching the world siting and talking to many then you realize that in future you will be not that alone there are many to see you better . Today was the first day of chemistry tuition it was regular better than regular I was only guy in tuition other were beautiful girls , 4 girls Vs me it was fun , I was not invisible I was shocked that one beauty talked to me by herself . I was liking it unfortunately and realized the dialog of akshu that love is like wind you can fall any time . I love the way akshu take things she is my sweetest buddy without her what would be my condition don't know . Yesterday I was depressed due to certain activity of shreya but she handled me eased me so beautifully can't say word to praise she is so so logical and easy she is just awesome what would i say more .

The way you smile you still my heart

You are just the special one you are my sweet heart

I like you so much as you are pure in dirt

Means you accept the things and make it easy with less effort

I want one thing from you that be with me forever

When I don't talk to you I feel I get fever

The way you made me feel I don't think anyone did

You lye in my heart permanently somewhere in mid

Nothing great I feel more then watching you smile

I still remember your face when you slept for a while

You are the angel and me devil in this place

I just want you in any hard condition may be its race

Activated that fucking Facebook account again it so impossible to delete that . When you are at the peak of losing something then you start knowing its importance in your life . Sometimes when I realize life without my some friends and shreya I get scared what will be I after losing them . Days are usual's unable to feel it completely what's the case with me I don't know even . Got new hair style in these recent day's small tiny and french style beards hope it may suits me . This world so much of complexity , how easy it would to sit still and you get what you want the dreams the lust the aim everything by just siting Including holy satisfaction . its just dream i know can't be possible in this real world . Emotions should be like air they flow so nice that everyone could able to feel that you are not that bad and you too have it in you and you to want some things .

In this real world nothing is real

Then why we say it that we are alive

I feel its better to live in imagination

Because real world gives you suffocation

The sky is so high and that moon too

Why Can't I touch as I can see it

Its so sad that I can't catch the moon

Just crying and crying all day and noon

Finally deleted my diversion that Facebook account now hopefully I'l be left with sometime free . I realized that everyone is good but just you need patience to see their goodness you will surely see one day or another . Working true and pure in your field in your life can lead you too many destinations that will provide you extreme satisfaction . But the thing you have to never forget is to be pure and true to others and more importantly yo you yourself .

The thing I want is really The thing I don't know

I know the way I say so much I won't get gold

The thing I wanna achieve victory and my happiness in a row

If sadness would have some selling value I would have sold my sad

The thing which provide satisfaction is very small that is nothing

Achievement needs commitment and I am giving shit instead

Working truly from heart can lead you to many thing

But we have to start working pure and true until we get dead

The image I am using today Is a my dream image with me in my dreams with my dream girl , I doesn't look like him but our emotions are same and I want my g.f to be in the same emotion as of mine ..

Working on me myself with zero efficiency , don't know where this path will take me . Things by my side not going that good with shreya and I don't even want that really . I am just bored of that I am just bored of this boring world thinking to delete my Facebook account the reason is that I am unable to concentrate on my studies . Last status I posted was

" Why We always wanna take revenge can't we be satisfied by just smiling and seeing that people from whom we wanna take revenge is really working hard for us and think really great about us have great and pure feelings about us but then too we wanna take revenge in any clause by doing the same they did to us or in other way long ....... "

I'l Try to be new from today as I think I have fucked all my things I feel sometimes . Wanna do something real that's why not concentrating on girls or you can say they not concentrating hence me not and hence I may take benefit and do little study as this is my last year I wanna score something . Much Much more than a big zero ...

I am dissolving in self created pit these days hope I come out soon like a superman and may be able to do little concentration towards my real things the things I want the most ....